Buying a gift for your child that they may never use.

Last year I really did NOT know what to get my daughter for her birthday. Her birthday falls on new years eve, so it's that weird time after Christmas where everyone is kind of still in Christmas mode and not birthday mode, so I always have trouble figuring out what I should get her, usually because I already gave her something awesome for Christmas.  So I was trolling the musical instruments page of Craigslist, when I stumbled on a stratocaster copy guitar that had Aria's name on it.  Literally, it was an Aria brand guitar, plus it was only $40!

This is what it looked like.

 So I started doing investigating and setting up the deal, when I had a thought...

My daughter may  never...
ever...
ever...
actually use this gift.

My daughter has cerebral palsy and is extremely spastic.  She also has CVI (cortical visual impairment), and honestly, we're not sure exactly how much she sees, but doctors have said as much as a very small amount of tunnel vision 2 feet directly in front of her face.  She does not have much individual control of her fingers or any extremity really, and the "control" she DOES have, is often caused by spasticity episodes.

So that was the issue.

Should I buy my child a gift that would be a milestone gift from me and I think is really cool, or would buying her something she may never use be an insult?

It's a hard question really...you know as a special needs dad I think about these things a lot.  I know that with most children sometimes you buy them a gift and they just throw it to the side and use the box, never actually enjoying the gift you gave them.  But this is different.  This (to me anyway) was almost like buying my wife some pipe wrenches and writing her name on them.  She will probably never use them, but I FOR SURE will...

On a side note, the funny thing about being a special needs parent is that there's a whole grieving process that comes along with it.  It's not grief because you don't love your kiddo or they're not living up to your expectations.  It's more like a sadness that you even have to think about things like this in the first place... and the world around you just continually reminds you that things for your family are different...

There's nowhere to park.
Everyone stares.
Education is costly.  Either by time or money.
You get used to being at the hospital.  No one should ever get used to being at the hospital...
People call you heroic, when you're just hanging out eating a cheeseburger.

Anyway so yeah that last one is especially true, but that's for another blog I suppose.

Back to the matter at hand.

I prayed super hard about this one.  I never want to be a father that makes it seem like my child should be something that they don't want to be.  So after much prayer and thought and asking a couple of people, I bought the guitar, gave it to Aria, and she had a really great birthday.

What this all really boils down to is this.  When you give someone a gift, there is NEVER a guarantee that they will use it, or even like it for that matter.  Gift giving is a choice made out of love for the person that you are blessing.  The bible says in 2 Corinthians 9:7-

So let each one give as he purposes in his heart, not grudgingly or of necessity; for God loves a cheerful giver.

Giving a gift is a representation of your character as opposed to the condition of the receiver.  I believe if you give any gift to your child or loved one with a cheerful heart and the intention of showing them love, then it can never be wrong.  These thoughts were what compelled me to proceeding with the purchase of this gift for my daughter.

So with that said, please consider these thoughts for yourself, and try not to beat yourself down over not being able to necessarily always identify with your child through objects.  After all, your love, discipline, and compassion will truly be what shapes their character in the end.

By the way, Aria has played on her guitar a few times and she loves it :)  and I later upgraded it so now it looks like this...

Changed design of Aria's name, and put an owl (she loves owls) , also added new grover tuners

Added new godin single coil pups, chrome knobs, and new pickguard, also  fixed electronics.

Much Love,

-Salvador